That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
