I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
