Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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