return my video game
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize