please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
