Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
