I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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