It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
