In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
