Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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