She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Drake has all the answers
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize