I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
