I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
