Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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