I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
