Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
