I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Acid is not a monday night drug
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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