If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize