Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize