Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
