I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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