why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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