You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
