She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
