i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize