Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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