He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
