dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
