Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
