just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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