Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We need to rekindle our bromance
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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