I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
