I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
