when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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