Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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