Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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