Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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