You can't motorboat a personality
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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