Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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