SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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