hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
