well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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