Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
