I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
