There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
