I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
