You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
