I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
