i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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