Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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