Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
