NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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