Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
