p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
