I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My cat gives me a boner
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
