The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize