He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
