Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
