Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
