I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
