I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
