You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
