conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
