We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
