Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Found your dick twin last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
