I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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