uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
