remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
