I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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