She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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