She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
