Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
