You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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