The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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