i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize