Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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