after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
