Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize