Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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