i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
