k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize