You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize