Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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