some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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