i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
