Your dad touched me again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
