The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
