Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
