Will you blow on my dice?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize