My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize