I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
