When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
