Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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