I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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