Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
